The Joy of Giving: The Art of Receiving

Time and time again, one of the phrases I hear from my gentleman callers is how much they enjoy giving pleasure to a woman. And yet how few women willingly receive this touch and intimacy.*

What many people do not realise, is that the act of receiving is an art to be cultivated. It takes awareness, and a willingness to practise and deepen in the experience. Let me explain…

When one is in the giving role, there is a sense of action and “doing”. There is a road map, if you will, for this experience. We can assess how well – or not – the giving is going.

When one is in the receiving role, there is no road map for this experience, no way of knowing “how to do it”. It is a pure experience of being.

It is no wonder then that so many people struggle to receive, as it involves a “non-doing”. Our whole culture is geared towards doing so moving into a space of “non-doing” is initially like going against the tide. We have to drop all ideas of how the experience should look or should feel, and surrender to the mystery of existence.

Many people are scared to let go of control. If their body has been trespassed upon previously, then all the more reason not to trust in the experience offered. This is where compassionate communication, a strong sense of self, and a genuine knowledge about what feels good for your body, is essential.

Sadly, so many people- especially women – have not had the space to develop these qualities.

Imagine being with a woman who knows what she wants and who can guide you in giving her pleasure. Feeling her responsiveness ripple under your hands. Hearing her sounds of delight steer your actions. Knowing with unerring certainty that your touch is desired and fully enjoyed. Imagine how it would be when your giving was completely received by a woman…

*There are many reasons why a woman might not be open to your offering. If you are truly interested in discovering more about female arousal, I highly recommend reading “Come as You Are” by Emily Nagoski. A book with which all women – and those who love them – should become acquainted.

Make My Heart Sing

A smile plays upon my lips and there is a warm glow in my heart as I hang up the phone. What a delightful man!

This was the first conversation with a potential new client. Such a wonderful way to begin the new year. Fresh back from my “sabbatical” it warms my heart to know that such lovely men are out there in the world seeking my loving offerings.

I knew right from the start that this gentleman would be someone with whom I would “click”. How did I know? Well it’s all in the first impressions.

I receive a large number of requests for my precious time, loving energy, and erotic expertise. Over the last 5 years I have developed a very simple criteria for deciding with whom I will spend my time… When I read a message of introduction – does it make my heart sing, or make my heart sink?

Things that make my heart sing:
– being addressed by my name
– being introduced to the person contacting me
– writing in full sentences with good grammar
– someone who is polite and courteous
– someone who takes the time to tell me about themselves and their hopes and desires for a meeting
– someone who demonstrates that they have read my website and understand my offerings

Things that make my heart sink:
– being addressed as ‘baby’, ‘honey’ or some other cringey term
– anonymity; i.e. someone who doesn’t share their name
– writing in “text speak” and poor grammar
– cut and paste messages that are obviously being sent to multiple practitioners (yes I really can tell)
– being asked for things that I do not offer
– messages that say “when u available?”

Truth be told it’s those “heart sink” emails that are the most challenging part of my work. But once I have filtered through the folks that I know are just not right for me, the clients I meet are pure gold. Thank you for being part of my life.

It’s very easy to make me happy. And when I’m happy, my heart opens. And when my heart opens, my body follows. And that is a joy for me and you.

The Art of Kissing

Is it really “In his kiss”?

Darling Lover, it’s been such a long time since I’ve written a blog post and many of you have been clamouring to hear my words and thoughts again.

So I’m tackling a subject very close to my heart… the art of kissing! And an art it is indeed…

When done well, with awareness of the complex gateway of sensuality that the lips unlock in a woman, then kissing is a deeply erotic and intimate act. When done poorly, with schoolboy over-enthusiasm or tongue like puppy dog, then it’s an absolute turn-off!

There is a saying, “It’s in his kiss”. Women tend to place much more importance on kissing than men do, and believe it both indicates compatibility for a new partnership and increases longevity of the spark of romance in a relationship. Here are my guidelines to kissing a woman in a way that will put her in raptures…


A kiss starts long before the kissing starts

Let me begin with a little known secret about female arousal… the more secure a woman feels with you as a lover, the more sexually open she will become. Many men think they have to stimulate a woman into arousal but this is a very masculine approach to sexuality. When a woman feels safe and loved, she will blossom into arousal.

So look her in the eyes, let her know with your gaze that you admire her beauty, reach out, take her in your arms and pull her close. Nuzzle into her hair and sniff it, stroke the side of her face gently, cup her chin with your hand, and then…. decisively yet tenderly connect your mouth to hers. Savour the taste of her, let your lips linger on hers for a few seconds, then part.


Kissing involves the lips

This might sound like the most obvious of pointers, but it’s an important one. Kissing means that your lips connect together… If you come at her with a wide open mouth or, even worse, your tongue lolling out, then you are engaging in quite another kind of activity. Don’t confuse her, kiss her.


Fools rush in

Start the kiss gently and then build up momentum.

You might think that grinding your lips against hers and plundering your tongue into her mouth is an act of high passion. However, it’s more likely that she finds your over-enthusiasm startling and even a little bit scary.

A woman wonders, “If you are that rushed in the kissing department, what are you going to be like everywhere else?”

Give the kiss space. Build up the pressure and passion then allow it to subside again. Make her lips yearn for yours. It’s so much more sexy and seductive.


It takes two to tango

Kissing is a shared pleasure, not something that one person does to or at another.

(Well of course it can be this but that’s the kind of peck on the cheek you expect from your Great Aunt!)

So if your kissing consists of flapping your lips in the face of your partner, or licking frantically, then you are probably missing out on the more subtle sensations to be enjoyed together.

When you kiss, feel for the response of your partner. Meet their kiss with yours. Allow your lips to come into synchronisation with hers. Allow your breath to rise and fall together. It all makes the kiss more yummy.


Tongues are the dessert of kissing, not the appetiser!

Tongues in kissing can utterly erotic and mind-blowing. However, inserting your tongue too early and too quick will most likely be a turn-off.

In Tantric terms, a man’s tongue in the woman’s mouth is an act of penetration. Would you just walk up to a woman and expect to penetrate her? No!

Then please don’t stick your tongue in her mouth before you have aroused her with your lips.

When you feel the heat rising and want to take it to the next level, then gently and sensuously lick over her upper lip (possibly her upper teeth if her mouth is open) with your tongue. If she is ready to engage in some tongue tango, then she will respond accordingly. If not, then carry on with the lips. Perhaps try again later but don’t push it if she doesn’t meet your advances.

Take note; the most sensitive part of the tongue is the tip, so use it to maximum effect!


Take her by surprise

Kissing doesn’t only have to involve locking lips. Delight her by kissing her in unusual – but highly erogenous – places.

The nape of her neck (just below the hairline)
The inside of her wrist (try breathing here too for delicious arousal)
The crook of her elbow
Her ear lobes (a nibble and gentle suck on the ear lobes is also divine)

Your skills in kissing will mark you as a Master Lover. And that’s something every woman wants.

Mindful Masturbation: The Art of Self-Pleasuring

Last week I took part in a video project by a female porn film-maker. The intention of the project is to film sexually alive women enjoying “mindful masturbation”.

What this means is masturbation for the sheer pleasure of touching one’s own body. Self-pleasuring can be done almost as a meditation. Not for a goal of climax, nor going into performance for someone else, but natural self-loving.

Swimming deep in pleasurable sensations, my session lasted 53 minutes! It culminated the most delicious ‘energygasm’ where waves of orgasmic energy flowed through my whole body. I was tingling all over and totally charged up with cosmic energy.

If you would like to experience the aliveness that can come from making love to yourself, rather than getting yourself off with ‘hand relief’(Uuuuurgh – hate that expression!) – then here are a few suggestions for mindful self-pleasuring:
• Make the environment lovely for yourself – even simply lighting a candle can bring sacredness and specialness to the experience
• Set an alarm for a specific length of time and use this as your guide for exploration rather than the goal of climax
• Touch your whole body, not just your genitals
• Try out different pressure, strokes, rhythms and speeds – not just doing what you always do
• Pay exquisite attention to what’s going on inside your body, be with the sensations. Release any mental images or fantasies as you drop into your body
• Breathe deeply and fully to allow your body to open and expand into greater pleasure (Many people hold their breath when they get close to climax but if you keep breathing fully you will experience a deeper pleasure)
• Allow your body to move and undulate
• When the time is complete, if you wish to move towards climax (e.g. ejaculation) then go for it. Otherwise you can integrate the energy by breathing it up the body from genitals to the crown on the head with the inhale and down with the exhale




Everything changes…

Darling men,
Today is a sad day and a joyous day all mixed up together.

If you haven’t heard already, I am changing the way I do sex work and am no longer offering ‘full service’. I am still available for sessions with kissing, cuddling, caressing, connection, intimacy, mutual pleasure, erotic massage, sensual play, oral sex and orgasms. However, these will no longer involve full penetrative sex.

‘Why?’ I hear you cry!

Well, to cut a long story short I am in a relationship and deeply in love. My beloved also works within the field of conscious sexuality so he has been more understanding than most about my vocation.

In Tantric terms there is a powerful energetic connection set up when a man enters a woman’s body (and it is said that this energetic imprint takes seven years to leave a woman’s body!). My beloved and I want to deepen in our tantric union and this means that I can no longer have penetrative sex with another man.

So with sadness I change my profile details but with joy I know I can enter into a deeper, more committed, loving relationship. Thank you to all the men with whom I have enjoyed such beautiful moments of physical intimacy.

Here’s an interesting thing though… originally I was very resistant to the idea of giving up sex with other men and was deeply worried that it would affect my work. Then I took some time to look at the experiences I had been having and the men I most enjoyed connecting with. And lo and behold, the people and moments that stand out to me, don’t involve penetration!

Increasingly men have been contacting me looking to explore some hitherto unexpressed part of their sexuality. This might be playing with the power dynamics of dominance and submission. Or discovering their orgasmic potential through sensual massage. Or deepening in intimacy through tantric ritual. Whatever the experience, it’s been the journey that we have taken together that has been the priority rather than specific acts.

Let’s face it, many people have already had ‘sex’, or even have a sexual partner currently, but there’s something that they can’t get in their current situation. That’s why they come to me!

It’s an honour to be with someone as they explore and expand into their erotic self. It’s fun, beautiful, playful, exciting, deep, loving, sexy, delicious, intimate, hot, mindblowing and bodyblowing to play on the full spectrum of sexuality rather than just keep doing the same thing that we’ve always been doing.

Sex is way more than just the physical act of a man being inside a woman. Are you ready to embark on an erotic escapade or ecstatic encounter with me?

What’s all this about Tantric Massage?

The phrase “tantric massage” has become synonymous with a massage with a “happy ending”. Sadly this misses the depth of potential available in this wonderful art form of touch.

As anyone who has studied Tantra will know, there is no such thing as tantric massage per se. Tantra is not about massage or even sexuality specifically. Rather it’s a philosophy of authentic living and set of spiritual practices which embrace all experience and encourage us ever more to a direct awareness of the present moment.

So why is it that Tantra has become so closely connected to sensual or erotic massage?

One of the most vibrant ways to connect with present moment experience is through the body. Usually we are going around stuck in our heads with our mind continuously worrying about what happened in the past or anxious about what’s going to happen in the future. When we move fully into the body, these concerns often drop away. You will know this if you’ve done some kind of physical activity, such as running or playing squash. Or perhaps even yoga or swimming. You know that blissful feeling you get afterwards when you are profoundly relaxed and you feel at peace with the world? This is you experiencing yourself in the present moment. No worries of the past or future, simple resting in the “here and now”.

Massage can be a profound way to experience this state of bliss. Particularly for a man where it gives him an opportunity to experience his body and sexuality in a new way. Under usual circumstances, put him in a room with a woman and he usually feels that he has to “do something”. Men are given lots of messages about taking the lead, being in the initiator in sexual encounters, or maybe also carrying some stigma around being a predator. How relaxing can it be to let all that go and just surrender to the touch of a goddess? A skilled tantric practitioner can take you to a place you may never have been before – a return to yourself.

There is another reason that Tantra has become connected with erotic massage – and that’s to do with embracing all of ourselves.

Many people in our society have a dissatisfaction or even disgust around their bodies and their genitals in particular. Also many people carry a sense of shame around their sexuality or a disconnect from their true sexual nature (if you need fantasy or a particular image or a single way of doing things in order to feel aroused, this could be true for you).

One of the great gifts of Tantra is that is it welcomes every single part of ourselves. Whereas conventional massage ignores the nether regions (covering it up with towels which subtly reinforces the idea that our sexuality must be kept under wraps!), a more tantric approach is to holistically include every part of ourself – and that means the genitals too. No part of the body is ignored or disowned; all is celebrated. The nakedness in a tantra-oriented massage arises from a desire for acceptance, rather than a desire for arousal. There is an innocence and vulnerability in it.

Unlike most religions or spiritual practices, Tantra accepts sexuality as an integral part of being human. Many of us in the Western world grow up with the idea that sex is a sin. Or something dirty or to be hidden from others. Tantra has the opposite view and celebrates our sexuality as a potential gateway to divinity. This is particularly true when we connect to our orgasmic potential.

So, let’s talk about the non-ejaculatory full-body orgasm. Firstly, neither ejaculating or not ejaculating are ‘tantric’. Having an awareness over the different possibilities and the capacity to choose consciously with your mind, body and heart are.

Most of us have a strong connection between climax (ejaculation/coming) and orgasm. However, the two experiences are actually different. Climax is experienced primarily in the genitals and is usually concluded with a drop in energy. For many men sexual play is over the moment you come. So there can a really enjoyable phase of building the sexual energy and then suddenly – pop – it’s all gone! Orgasm can be felt in the whole body, is not limited to genital touch, and can be a continuous experience that energises and charges us up.

The main reason for opting for non-ejaculation is the conservation of energy. Imagine instead of releasing your sexual energy, you harness it. Men can also become multi-orgasmic, experiencing wave after wave of pleasure and bliss without becoming depleted. One of the key proponents of men’s multi-orgasmic potential is Taoist teacher Mantak Chia (yes celebrating sexual energy is not just a tantric thing!) and he believes that the energy you conserve in this way can be integrated so that you can juice up your entire life!

Moving towards non-ejaculatory full-body bliss is, for many men, a practice. Some men are more naturally adept at it and for others it takes time to re-programme the mind/body to a new kind of sexual experience. The question is simply whether you feel ready and willing to explore this less-well trodden path to pleasure and vital wellbeing.

So there are three key reasons why Tantra has become associated with erotic massage – a focus on the body as a gateway to ecstasy, an acceptance and appreciation of our sexual nature, and specific practices for harnessing orgasmic energy and opening to blissful pleasure. However, the point still needs to be made that erotic massage is not necessarily ‘Tantric’.

In the end it’s better to accept the fact that Tantric Massage has come to mean something different from actual Tantra. Most service providers are simply following what they see working in the world and may not even know what Tantra actually is. If a client will pay for it, then it’s seen as successful.

For clients seeking a genuine Tantric experience – rather than a sensual massage with a handjob – it’s vital to do your research and suss out what right for you. It’s like anything else in life! If you want to buy a new car you work out what you want and what’s best for you and your budget. You look around at different dealerships, you talk to friends, you test drive a few and finally you decide on the one that’s right for you.

Conscious Sexuality – So What?

Recently I attended a Festival of Tantra and Conscious Sexuality – 5 days dedicated to exploring our sensual and sexual selves.

One of the questions that kept popping up was “What is meant when we say ‘Conscious Sexuality’?”

And one of the answers that kept filtering through is that it’s not so much about what you do, but how you do it.

So it’s not about the number of times, orgasms, or different positions but rather the quality of awareness and integration we bring to our sexual experiences.

Consider this… You can devour a meal simply to fill the hunger in your belly, or you can savour every mouthful turning it into a memorable gourmet experience. You can have a song playing in the background of your life, or you can close your eyes and listen to the music so intently it breaks you open and unleashes your emotions. You can see a sunset or you can allow the beauty of nature to permeate your every pore with the sublime magnificence of the world.

You can experience sex as a necessity of the body, or as a portal to different dimensions of oneself and another. When you approach love-making with awareness, it becomes a profoundly life-enhancing experience. Conscious sex shakes and stirs, transports and transforms, lifts us up and leaves us breathless, and ultimately delivers us at the doorway to the Divine making us one with all that is.

So the question is… how do you like yours?

Reclaiming the Erotic

In our society we have often over-looked our erotic nature. It’s suppressed in one area (many people are still ashamed to have natural, open conversations about sex) and sensationalised in another (just look at the explosion of high speed internet porn).

But sex is where we all came from (as hard as it is to believe our parents did it!) and erotic energy is our birthright.

In many ancient traditions – from Tantra to Kabbalah  – sexual energy was celebrated as a source of creativity and power.

You know that spring you have in your step when you’ve had a really special sensual experience? The kind that makes you glow and people wonder what you’ve been up to? That’s your erotic energy overflowing.

When you’re in touch with your erotic energy, suddenly you get inspired ideas, new solutions pop up for old problems, and life just seems to be in the flow.

In days of old (and I mean way, way back before Christianity), whores were seen as sacred “joy bringers”- connecting human beings to divine inspiration and power through sex. Sadly, society has lost this vibrant and virtuous relationship to sexuality and sacred prostitution.

But all is not lost. There is a huge rebirth of interest in sacred sexuality and a growing awareness that sex is not just what we do in between the sheets but intimately tied to our creativity, power and sense of wellbeing.

Every moment there is an opportunity to re-discover ourselves through sex in a new way. This can best be done by bringing consciousness to our pleasure. Rather than escaping off into fantasy, become completely present with the sensations in your body. Rather than doing things the same old way, see what difference a change of position can make (especially when self-pleasuring (masturbating) this can make a massive shift in the experience). Open your eyes and gaze into those of your partner for deep and beautiful intimacy. Allow yourself to move your body and make sounds and notice how much energy and vitality floods through your body.

Awaking and playing with our erotic energy is life-enhancing and joyful. So reclaim your erotic nature today!!!

The Year of Eros

If you had to say one word that encapsulates your vision and mission for 2014, what would it be? Mine is ‘Eros’.

This word, from which ‘erotic’ is derived, is one of the four words in Ancient Greek denoting ‘love’. Eros refers to specifically to ‘intimate love’. When we connect with erotic energy we are not only connecting to sexuality (as we think of eroticism these days) but also love and intimacy.

This is exactly what I share with my clients. When you spend time with me you get lashings of love and oodles of intimacy along with your tantalising erotic experience.

Back from my adventures in India, I’m excited about the new year and what it holds. Looking forward to sharing many erotic escapades and ecstatic encounters with you!

Love, Sex and Intimacy

Yesterday I attended the Love, Sex and Intimacy Fair in Brighton. The first event of its kind in the area, it was a delightful smorgasbord of all things sexuality related. From workshops and talks, to stalls with everything from flavoured lube to kinky clothing to herbal tonics, there was something for everyone to enjoy. My personal highlights were the silent speed dating (body language only – lots of flirty fun!) and the evening burlesque show.

The intention of the organisers was to create a space for people to explore “the world of intimate relationships and allow a safe, non-judgemental space to look at what love, sex and intimacy mean to you”.

So that got me thinking… what do love, sex and intimacy mean to me?

The easiest and obvious place to start is with sex! But my definition of sex may surprise you. I don’t simply equate sex with the act of penetration. Rather I like to view sex as the whole spectrum of sexual experience – physical, mental, emotional and even spiritual.

Consider this… what is the sexiest part of the body? For sure it’s the mind! What turns one person on (or off!) is completely individual and unique. What we find sexy, what arouses us, and how we express that with another human being happens a lot in our heads and our hearts. Not just in our genitals.

Having an expanded view of sex allows us to move away from feeling like it has to be done a particular (the right?) way and opens us up to a world of possibilities. We move from performance to playfulness – and that’s a lot more fun!

So what about intimacy? In the most basic sense, intimacy can be thought of closeness between human beings. Often intimacy is equated with physical contact, touch and caress. Being “intimate with” someone is even a euphemism for sex.

I would like to offer another perspective on intimacy. You can share a sexual encounter with someone yet never really have connected with them on a deeper level. Intimacy comes not from rubbing our bodies together but from the courage to open our hearts. True intimacy implies a kind of vulnerability. I show myself to you, and you show yourself to me. When we each do this, it creates a powerful and beautiful connection between us.

As Thomas Moore says, “The intimacy in sex is never only physical. In a sexual relationship we may discover who we are in ways otherwise unavailable to us, and at the same time we allow our partner to see and know that individual. As we unveil our bodies, we also disclose our persons.”

Lastly, Love. How can one possibly define this word for which people have lived and died, and so many songs, poems and plays have been written? Let me try…

Love, for me, is an energy that flows when my heart is open. Love is not attraction, lust or romantic feelings, but a state of being where I am intimately connected to everything. When my heart is open, love pours through me like sunshine.

I feel deeply inspired by David Deida when he says, “Love is continuity with infinite life-force, a oneness of being with no separation. Opening sexually is opening to this flow of life-force. And love is the key to this opening.”

As I read back through my words, I can see a common thread running through them. Although love, sex and intimacy each mean something different to me, all involve bringing in one’s head and heart. What does this mean for me as a sex worker? When our heart and head are involved in sex, as well as our body, we can share love and intimacy too.