The Art of Kissing

Is it really “In his kiss”?

Darling Lover, it’s been such a long time since I’ve written a blog post and many of you have been clamouring to hear my words and thoughts again.

So I’m tackling a subject very close to my heart… the art of kissing! And an art it is indeed…

When done well, with awareness of the complex gateway of sensuality that the lips unlock in a woman, then kissing is a deeply erotic and intimate act. When done poorly, with schoolboy over-enthusiasm or tongue like puppy dog, then it’s an absolute turn-off!

There is a saying, “It’s in his kiss”. Women tend to place much more importance on kissing than men do, and believe it both indicates compatibility for a new partnership and increases longevity of the spark of romance in a relationship. Here are my guidelines to kissing a woman in a way that will put her in raptures…

 

A kiss starts long before the kissing starts

Let me begin with a little known secret about female arousal… the more secure a woman feels with you as a lover, the more sexually open she will become. Many men think they have to stimulate a woman into arousal but this is a very masculine approach to sexuality. When a woman feels safe and loved, she will blossom into arousal.

So look her in the eyes, let her know with your gaze that you admire her beauty, reach out, take her in your arms and pull her close. Nuzzle into her hair and sniff it, stroke the side of her face gently, cup her chin with your hand, and then…. decisively yet tenderly connect your mouth to hers. Savour the taste of her, let your lips linger on hers for a few seconds, then part.

 

Kissing involves the lips

This might sound like the most obvious of pointers, but it’s an important one. Kissing means that your lips connect together… If you come at her with a wide open mouth or, even worse, your tongue lolling out, then you are engaging in quite another kind of activity. Don’t confuse her, kiss her.

 

Fools rush in

Start the kiss gently and then build up momentum.

You might think that grinding your lips against hers and plundering your tongue into her mouth is an act of high passion. However, it’s more likely that she finds your over-enthusiasm startling and even a little bit scary.

A woman wonders, “If you are that rushed in the kissing department, what are you going to be like everywhere else?”

Give the kiss space. Build up the pressure and passion then allow it to subside again. Make her lips yearn for yours. It’s so much more sexy and seductive.

 

It takes two to tango

Kissing is a shared pleasure, not something that one person does to or at another.

(Well of course it can be this but that’s the kind of peck on the cheek you expect from your Great Aunt!)

So if your kissing consists of flapping your lips in the face of your partner, or licking frantically, then you are probably missing out on the more subtle sensations to be enjoyed together.

When you kiss, feel for the response of your partner. Meet their kiss with yours. Allow your lips to come into synchronisation with hers. Allow your breath to rise and fall together. It all makes the kiss more yummy.

 

Tongues are the dessert of kissing, not the appetiser!

Tongues in kissing can utterly erotic and mind-blowing. However, inserting your tongue too early and too quick will most likely be a turn-off.

In Tantric terms, a man’s tongue in the woman’s mouth is an act of penetration. Would you just walk up to a woman and expect to penetrate her? No!

Then please don’t stick your tongue in her mouth before you have aroused her with your lips.

When you feel the heat rising and want to take it to the next level, then gently and sensuously lick over her upper lip (possibly her upper teeth if her mouth is open) with your tongue. If she is ready to engage in some tongue tango, then she will respond accordingly. If not, then carry on with the lips. Perhaps try again later but don’t push it if she doesn’t meet your advances.

Take note; the most sensitive part of the tongue is the tip, so use it to maximum effect!

 

Take her by surprise

Kissing doesn’t only have to involve locking lips. Delight her by kissing her in unusual – but highly erogenous – places.

The nape of her neck (just below the hairline)
The inside of her wrist (try breathing here too for delicious arousal)
The crook of her elbow
Her ear lobes (a nibble and gentle suck on the ear lobes is also divine)

Your skills in kissing will mark you as a Master Lover. And that’s something every woman wants.

Mindful Masturbation: The Art of Self-Pleasuring

Last week I took part in a video project by a female porn film-maker. The intention of the project is to film sexually alive women enjoying “mindful masturbation”.

What this means is masturbation for the sheer pleasure of touching one’s own body. Self-pleasuring can be done almost as a meditation. Not for a goal of climax, nor going into performance for someone else, but natural self-loving.

Swimming deep in pleasurable sensations, my session lasted 53 minutes! It culminated the most delicious ‘energygasm’ where waves of orgasmic energy flowed through my whole body. I was tingling all over and totally charged up with cosmic energy.

If you would like to experience the aliveness that can come from making love to yourself, rather than getting yourself off with ‘hand relief’(Uuuuurgh – hate that expression!) – then here are a few suggestions for mindful self-pleasuring:
• Make the environment lovely for yourself – even simply lighting a candle can bring sacredness and specialness to the experience
• Set an alarm for a specific length of time and use this as your guide for exploration rather than the goal of climax
• Touch your whole body, not just your genitals
• Try out different pressure, strokes, rhythms and speeds – not just doing what you always do
• Pay exquisite attention to what’s going on inside your body, be with the sensations. Release any mental images or fantasies as you drop into your body
• Breathe deeply and fully to allow your body to open and expand into greater pleasure (Many people hold their breath when they get close to climax but if you keep breathing fully you will experience a deeper pleasure)
• Allow your body to move and undulate
• When the time is complete, if you wish to move towards climax (e.g. ejaculation) then go for it. Otherwise you can integrate the energy by breathing it up the body from genitals to the crown on the head with the inhale and down with the exhale

Enjoy!

 

 

Everything changes…

Darling men,
Today is a sad day and a joyous day all mixed up together.

If you haven’t heard already, I am changing the way I do sex work and am no longer offering ‘full service’. I am still available for sessions with kissing, cuddling, caressing, connection, intimacy, mutual pleasure, erotic massage, sensual play, oral sex and orgasms. However, these will no longer involve full penetrative sex.

‘Why?’ I hear you cry!

Well, to cut a long story short I am in a relationship and deeply in love. My beloved also works within the field of conscious sexuality so he has been more understanding than most about my vocation.

In Tantric terms there is a powerful energetic connection set up when a man enters a woman’s body (and it is said that this energetic imprint takes seven years to leave a woman’s body!). My beloved and I want to deepen in our tantric union and this means that I can no longer have penetrative sex with another man.

So with sadness I change my profile details but with joy I know I can enter into a deeper, more committed, loving relationship. Thank you to all the men with whom I have enjoyed such beautiful moments of physical intimacy.

Here’s an interesting thing though… originally I was very resistant to the idea of giving up sex with other men and was deeply worried that it would affect my work. Then I took some time to look at the experiences I had been having and the men I most enjoyed connecting with. And lo and behold, the people and moments that stand out to me, don’t involve penetration!

Increasingly men have been contacting me looking to explore some hitherto unexpressed part of their sexuality. This might be playing with the power dynamics of dominance and submission. Or discovering their orgasmic potential through sensual massage. Or deepening in intimacy through tantric ritual. Whatever the experience, it’s been the journey that we have taken together that has been the priority rather than specific acts.

Let’s face it, many people have already had ‘sex’, or even have a sexual partner currently, but there’s something that they can’t get in their current situation. That’s why they come to me!

It’s an honour to be with someone as they explore and expand into their erotic self. It’s fun, beautiful, playful, exciting, deep, loving, sexy, delicious, intimate, hot, mindblowing and bodyblowing to play on the full spectrum of sexuality rather than just keep doing the same thing that we’ve always been doing.

Sex is way more than just the physical act of a man being inside a woman. Are you ready to embark on an erotic escapade or ecstatic encounter with me?

What’s all this about Tantric Massage?

The phrase “tantric massage” has become synonymous with a massage with a “happy ending”. As much as any well-meaning tantrika will try to shift the current consciousness about this, it’s as futile and pointless as trying to turn back the tide.

As anyone who has studied Tantra will know, there is no such thing as tantric massage per se. Tantra is not about massage or even sexuality specifically. Rather it’s a philosophy of authentic living and set of spiritual practices which embrace all experience and encourage us ever more to a direct awareness of the present moment.

So why is it that Tantra has become so closely connected to sensual or erotic massage?

One of the most vibrant ways to connect with present moment experience is through the body. Usually we are going around stuck in our heads with our mind continuously worrying about what happened in the past or anxious about what’s going to happen in the future. When we move fully into the body, these concerns often drop away. You will know this if you’ve done some kind of physical activity, such as running or playing squash. Or perhaps even yoga or swimming. You know that blissful feeling you get afterwards when you are profoundly relaxed and you feel at peace with the world? This is you experiencing yourself in the present moment. No worries of the past or future, simple resting in the “here and now”.

Massage can be a profound way to experience this state of bliss. Particularly for a man where it gives him an opportunity to experience his body and sexuality in a new way. Under usual circumstances, put him in a room with a woman and he usually feels that he has to “do something”. Men are given lots of messages about taking the lead, being in the initiator in sexual encounters, or maybe also carrying some stigma around being a predator. How relaxing can it be to let all that go and just surrender to the touch of a goddess? A skilled tantric practitioner can take you to a place you may never have been before – a return to yourself.

There is another reason that Tantra has become connected with erotic massage – and that’s to do with embracing all of ourselves.

Many people in our society have a dissatisfaction or even disgust around their bodies and their genitals in particular. Also many people carry a sense of shame around their sexuality or a disconnect from their true sexual nature (if you need fantasy or a particular image or a single way of doing things in order to feel aroused, this could be true for you).

One of the great gifts of Tantra is that is it welcomes every single part of ourselves. Whereas conventional massage ignores the nether regions (covering it up with towels which subtly reinforces the idea that our sexuality must be kept under wraps!), a more tantric approach is to holistically include every part of ourself – and that means the genitals too. No part of the body is ignored or disowned; all is celebrated. The nakedness in a tantra-oriented massage arises from a desire for acceptance, rather than a desire for arousal. There is an innocence and vulnerability in it.

Unlike most religions or spiritual practices, Tantra accepts sexuality as an integral part of being human. Many of us in the Western world grow up with the idea that sex is a sin. Or something dirty or to be hidden from others. Tantra has the opposite view and celebrates our sexuality as a potential gateway to divinity. This is particularly true when we connect to our orgasmic potential.

So, let’s talk about the non-ejaculatory full-body orgasm. Firstly, neither ejaculating or not ejaculating are ‘tantric’. Having an awareness over the different possibilities and the capacity to choose consciously with your mind, body and heart are.

Most of us have a strong connection between climax (ejaculation/coming) and orgasm. However, the two experiences are actually different. Climax is experienced primarily in the genitals and is usually concluded with a drop in energy. For many men sexual play is over the moment you come. So there can a really enjoyable phase of building the sexual energy and then suddenly – pop – it’s all gone! Orgasm can be felt in the whole body, is not limited to genital touch, and can be a continuous experience that energises and charges us up.

The main reason for opting for non-ejaculation is the conservation of energy. Imagine instead of releasing your sexual energy, you harness it. Men can also become multi-orgasmic, experiencing wave after wave of pleasure and bliss without becoming depleted. One of the key proponents of men’s multi-orgasmic potential is Taoist teacher Mantak Chia (yes celebrating sexual energy is not just a tantric thing!) and he believes that the energy you conserve in this way can be integrated so that you can juice up your entire life!

Moving towards non-ejaculatory full-body bliss is, for many men, a practice. Some men are more naturally adept at it and for others it takes time to re-programme the mind/body to a new kind of sexual experience. The question is simply whether you feel ready and willing to explore this less-well trodden path to pleasure and vital wellbeing.

So there are three key reasons why Tantra has become associated with erotic massage – a focus on the body as a gateway to ecstasy, an acceptance and appreciation of our sexual nature, and specific practices for harnessing orgasmic energy and opening to blissful pleasure. However, the point still needs to be made that erotic massage is not necessarily ‘Tantric’.

In the end it’s better to accept the fact that Tantric Massage has come to mean something different from actual Tantra. Most service providers are simply following what they see working in the world and may not even know what Tantra actually is. If a client will pay for it, then it’s seen as successful.

For clients seeking a genuine Tantric experience – rather than a sensual massage with a handjob – it’s vital to do your research and suss out what right for you. It’s like anything else in life! If you want to buy a new car you work out what you want and what’s best for you and your budget. You look around at different dealerships, you talk to friends, you test drive a few and finally you decide on the one that’s right for you.

Conscious Sexuality – So What?

Recently I attended a Festival of Tantra and Conscious Sexuality – 5 days dedicated to exploring our sensual and sexual selves.

One of the questions that kept popping up was “What is meant when we say ‘Conscious Sexuality’?”

And one of the answers that kept filtering through is that it’s not so much about what you do, but how you do it.

So it’s not about the number of times, orgasms, or different positions but rather the quality of awareness and integration we bring to our sexual experiences.

Consider this… You can devour a meal simply to fill the hunger in your belly, or you can savour every mouthful turning it into a memorable gourmet experience. You can have a song playing in the background of your life, or you can close your eyes and listen to the music so intently it breaks you open and unleashes your emotions. You can see a sunset or you can allow the beauty of nature to permeate your every pore with the sublime magnificence of the world.

You can experience sex as a necessity of the body, or as a portal to different dimensions of oneself and another. When you approach love-making with awareness, it becomes a profoundly life-enhancing experience. Conscious sex shakes and stirs, transports and transforms, lifts us up and leaves us breathless, and ultimately delivers us at the doorway to the Divine making us one with all that is.

So the question is… how do you like yours?

Reclaiming the Erotic

In our society we have often over-looked our erotic nature. It’s suppressed in one area (many people are still ashamed to have natural, open conversations about sex) and sensationalised in another (just look at the explosion of high speed internet porn).

But sex is where we all came from (as hard as it is to believe our parents did it!) and erotic energy is our birthright.

In many ancient traditions – from Tantra to Kabbalah  – sexual energy was celebrated as a source of creativity and power.

You know that spring you have in your step when you’ve had a really special sensual experience? The kind that makes you glow and people wonder what you’ve been up to? That’s your erotic energy overflowing.

When you’re in touch with your erotic energy, suddenly you get inspired ideas, new solutions pop up for old problems, and life just seems to be in the flow.

In days of old (and I mean way, way back before Christianity), whores were seen as sacred “joy bringers”- connecting human beings to divine inspiration and power through sex. Sadly, society has lost this vibrant and virtuous relationship to sexuality and sacred prostitution.

But all is not lost. There is a huge rebirth of interest in sacred sexuality and a growing awareness that sex is not just what we do in between the sheets but intimately tied to our creativity, power and sense of wellbeing.

Every moment there is an opportunity to re-discover ourselves through sex in a new way. This can best be done by bringing consciousness to our pleasure. Rather than escaping off into fantasy, become completely present with the sensations in your body. Rather than doing things the same old way, see what difference a change of position can make (especially when self-pleasuring (masturbating) this can make a massive shift in the experience). Open your eyes and gaze into those of your partner for deep and beautiful intimacy. Allow yourself to move your body and make sounds and notice how much energy and vitality floods through your body.

Awaking and playing with our erotic energy is life-enhancing and joyful. So reclaim your erotic nature today!!!

The Year of Eros

If you had to say one word that encapsulates your vision and mission for 2014, what would it be? Mine is ‘Eros’.

This word, from which ‘erotic’ is derived, is one of the four words in Ancient Greek denoting ‘love’. Eros refers to specifically to ‘intimate love’. When we connect with erotic energy we are not only connecting to sexuality (as we think of eroticism these days) but also love and intimacy.

This is exactly what I share with my clients. When you spend time with me you get lashings of love and oodles of intimacy along with your tantalising erotic experience.

Back from my adventures in India, I’m excited about the new year and what it holds. Looking forward to sharing many erotic escapades and ecstatic encounters with you!

Love, Sex and Intimacy

Yesterday I attended the Love, Sex and Intimacy Fair in Brighton. The first event of its kind in the area, it was a delightful smorgasbord of all things sexuality related. From workshops and talks, to stalls with everything from flavoured lube to kinky clothing to herbal tonics, there was something for everyone to enjoy. My personal highlights were the silent speed dating (body language only – lots of flirty fun!) and the evening burlesque show.

The intention of the organisers was to create a space for people to explore “the world of intimate relationships and allow a safe, non-judgemental space to look at what love, sex and intimacy mean to you”.

So that got me thinking… what do love, sex and intimacy mean to me?

The easiest and obvious place to start is with sex! But my definition of sex may surprise you. I don’t simply equate sex with the act of penetration. Rather I like to view sex as the whole spectrum of sexual experience – physical, mental, emotional and even spiritual.

Consider this… what is the sexiest part of the body? For sure it’s the mind! What turns one person on (or off!) is completely individual and unique. What we find sexy, what arouses us, and how we express that with another human being happens a lot in our heads and our hearts. Not just in our genitals.

Having an expanded view of sex allows us to move away from feeling like it has to be done a particular (the right?) way and opens us up to a world of possibilities. We move from performance to playfulness – and that’s a lot more fun!

So what about intimacy? In the most basic sense, intimacy can be thought of closeness between human beings. Often intimacy is equated with physical contact, touch and caress. Being “intimate with” someone is even a euphemism for sex.

I would like to offer another perspective on intimacy. You can share a sexual encounter with someone yet never really have connected with them on a deeper level. Intimacy comes not from rubbing our bodies together but from the courage to open our hearts. True intimacy implies a kind of vulnerability. I show myself to you, and you show yourself to me. When we each do this, it creates a powerful and beautiful connection between us.

As Thomas Moore says, “The intimacy in sex is never only physical. In a sexual relationship we may discover who we are in ways otherwise unavailable to us, and at the same time we allow our partner to see and know that individual. As we unveil our bodies, we also disclose our persons.”

Lastly, Love. How can one possibly define this word for which people have lived and died, and so many songs, poems and plays have been written? Let me try…

Love, for me, is an energy that flows when my heart is open. Love is not attraction, lust or romantic feelings, but a state of being where I am intimately connected to everything. When my heart is open, love pours through me like sunshine.

I feel deeply inspired by David Deida when he says, “Love is continuity with infinite life-force, a oneness of being with no separation. Opening sexually is opening to this flow of life-force. And love is the key to this opening.”

As I read back through my words, I can see a common thread running through them. Although love, sex and intimacy each mean something different to me, all involve bringing in one’s head and heart. What does this mean for me as a sex worker? When our heart and head are involved in sex, as well as our body, we can share love and intimacy too.

It’s an honour…

It’s an honour to see your smiling face as you walk through the door

It’s an honour when you hold my hand as we walk to the bedroom

It’s an honour to feel the passion of your kiss

It’s an honour to give you the love and intimacy you crave

It’s an honour to spend this precious time with you

It’s an honour to see you shine with sensuality

It’s an honour to undress you and reveal your naked body

It’s an honour to hold your precious cock in my hands

It’s an honour when you entrust me with your hearts desires

It’s an honour when you run your hands over my curves and appreciate my womanly form

It’s an honour to receive you inside my body

It’s an honour when our bodies move together as one

It’s an honour when your orgasm takes you over and you cum deep inside me

It’s an honour to lay in your arms in the afterglow of our lovemaking

It’s an honour when you share your life story with me

It’s an honour when we laugh together in a special secret moment

It’s an honour to be in the masculinity of your arms

It’s an honour to hold you close to my breast

It’s an honour to enjoy these moments of togetherness

It’s an honour to be with you.

How to be a Happy Whore

One of the things my clients comment on most is that I really love the work I do – and it shows!

Since I became a whore, I have had many beautiful, intimate and fun experiences with some truly wonderful men! I just seem to attract the ‘right’ kind of client. Men of discernment, men who love to give and receive pleasure, men of intelligence and good conversation, men who want to show a girl a good time!

So I’ve been reflecting on what it is that has helped me connect with such amazing men – making me a very happy whore! As my journey with whoring continues, there will be many more insights to share. But these are the first few that spring to mind…

 

Have positive regard for yourself

I take a lot of pride in my ‘work’ and consider myself an erotic explorer and sexuality professional. I invest time and money in developing my skills – whether in massage, orgasm techniques, or kink. I am fascinated by sexuality and what makes people tick. I want to support people in experiencing the fullest spectrum of the sexual expression. What a joy!

If you don’t love what you do then you won’t want to ‘show up’ in the experience. Some part of you will be detached and switched off.

I place a real value and worth on what I share with my clients. This means I want to bring my whole being to our liaison. I ask myself “What does he really want? What does he really need? How can I be the best possible whore for him?” And that means we have a lot of sensual fun together!

 

Have positive regard for your clients

Just as the stereotype of the prostitute is misleading and degrading, so it the stereotype of her ‘John’. I have yet to meet a client who is sordid and ‘desperate’, or even anything less than a loving and delightful man!

At the end of the day, we are all human beings and we all have the same basic emotional needs (although these may be expressed in a myriad of ways!) We all want to feel special. We all want to be noticed and recognised. We all want to be loved. And we all enjoy experiencing pleasure (which can also be expressed in a myriad of ways!)

I make a point of remembering that my client is a human being – just like me. And they want to be loved – just like me. It is beautiful to share that moment with them.

 

Turn down a client if they don’t feel right for you

This is a very empowering experience. Just because you’re a whore, doesn’t mean you have to be with every guy who comes your way.

If a client seems to want something different from what you offer – or can whole-heartedly do – then let them go.

There is no point in doing this kind of work just for the money, as tempting as that may be. Meet clients who you think you will have a good time being with. That way you can bring your whole self to the moment. They will feel the difference!

 

Communicate in the way you would like to be communicated with!

One of my life maxims is the phrase “treat others as you would like to be treated”. So in my communications I’m friendly, warm, loving and respectful. Lo and behold the clients I meet are friendly, warm, loving and respectful.

In fact many have become friends. People who I will happily continue connecting with beyond the moment of our meeting.

This insight also applies to the modes of communication. Sometimes I hear fellow sex workers talking about clients or potential clients as ‘time-wasters’ because they spent time talking on the phone with someone who doesn’t book. And in fact who seems to be getting off on talking to a whore on the phone.

There is a simple answer to this – don’t give out your phone number!

OK maybe it means you don’t get some clients, but to my mind someone who can take a moment to send a message is serious about meeting. Someone who wants to get to know you and explore our desires before meeting is going to be a lot of more fun when we get together. That’s the kind of man I want to get to know.


Take care of yourself

This is probably the most important point of all to be a really happy whore – look after your health and wellbeing!

One of the great advantages of being a whore is that you have control of your time to do the things you want to do! But it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking of have to be available to clients all the time and that you can’t live your own life.

I think it’s important to organise your time well. Make sure you eat lovely meals, look after your body, spend time with friends, spend time alone, and enjoy all that life has to offer. This is an amazing time to be alive and an amazing time to be a whore!

Speaking of which… it’s 33 degrees outside and I am off to swim in Hampstead ponds. Big love x